Coming out as bisexual
Coming out is nearly always a challenge no matter where you fit in on the queer spectrum. Bisexual people face many of the same issues that gay people do in the coming out process. After they’ve worked out how exactly to bring it up in the first place, they have to worry about whether their friend/acquaintance/family member will accept them, reject them, be disappointed, amused, confused, content or angry. Depending on the individual person’s community or circumstances, they may face social rejection or ridicule (or simply being treated a little bit differently) or problems at work or school.

However, for bisexual people, the coming out process is complicated by the fact that they are attracted to more than one gender. Many people have a limited understanding of bisexuality (we’ll deal with misconceptions later on). This has implications for anyone who has to come out as bisexual. If people do not understand your sexual orientation, or even know what it means, they are less likely to take it seriously. Some people who are in long-term same sex relationships fear that their family is less likely to take their relationship seriously if they know that the person has the potential to be in a “normal” heterosexual relationship, and if sexuality is a taboo subject there is little chance to discuss and challenge misconceptions.

In addition to pressure from the heterosexual world, many bisexual people find that the gay community can be just as prejudiced. A woman I know from Brighton (the “gay capital of Britain”) wanted to set up a social/support group for bisexuals in the area but encountered much hostility when she tried to find a gay venue they could use as a regular meeting place. Much of the hostility present in the gay community stems from lack of knowledge. Some gay people don’t take bisexuals seriously and worry that a bisexual partner will and up leaving them for a member of the opposite sex because it would be easier. Bisexuals who settle down with or marry a member of the opposite sex may be accused of selling out or have their credibility called into question. As a result, some bis have found themselves in a second closet within the gay community, wary of admitting to their attraction to other genders incase they face prejudice. This is by no means to suggest that all gay people (or even most) think this way. Many gay and lesbian people are very savvy when it comes to queer issues, and in general (much as I hate generalisations) gay people tend to be quite open minded and accepting.

Nor is any of this to suggest that bisexual people have it harder than gay people when it comes to coming out. In some ways it is easier because there is a chance that you could end up settling down in a heterosexual relationship (more “acceptable” in our culture). This means that you haven’t completely ruined your parents dreams of a “traditional” wedding and family (assuming that’s what your parents want for you – I know mine do), so they may react better when you break the news. Also, from a girl’s perspective, you aren’t entirely excluded from the girly chats along the lines of “Jake Gyllenhaal is sooooooo hot, yadda yadda yadda” (boys, you can insert your own variation here). Note, however, that these so-called “privileges” stem from heterosexual privilege, and in an ideal society no sexual orientation would be considered more “worthy” than the rest.

It’s worth mentioning, of course, that coming out is not always a difficult or negative experience. Most people I have come out to have had no problem with my bisexuality, although I usually have to spend a lot of time explaining it to people, so I try to make sure that the air is clear for people to ask whatever questions they want and that there is time to do so (never come out if you have to rush off somewhere quickly!). It’s important to be patient with people and not get irritated or offended when they have ridiculous misconceptions or make them feel like they can’t discuss an issue openly. It’s always better to confront stereotypes and mistaken beliefs than to make people feel like they can’t discuss their homophobic or biphobic misunderstandings for fear of offending you.